… What do you write about?

By | December 14, 2017

So, earlier today, I was asked what I wrote about… I didn’t really have a good answer because the most writing that I’ve done lately has been on this blog.

I’ve been thinking about a few different stories; I don’t know which one I’m going to run with. However, I’m going to write random posts on here so that a story can potentially develop out of them… I’ll have them tagged with “Random” so that I can easily identify them.

Rather than the answer of “random shit from my life”, I think I should come up with a better answer… Although, that does describe most of my writing, even if it’s poetry, it’s still inspired by my actual life.

Saudade

By | December 6, 2017

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of the ephemeral nature that we all have on this little blue dot in the great cosmos. Everything in this world is temporary. My life is one that is just borrowed from the Universe; some day the energy and matter that makes up my body and soul will eventually be returned.

I feel saudade… (I find it a little humorous that English doesn’t have a single word/term: I found it in Portuguese.) Maybe the terms “nostalgic melancholy” could begin to convey what I’m feeling, but I still feel that it’s missing something in the translation.

I’m grateful to have had the time with those who have made me into the person that I am today. I think that everyone that I’ve met has influenced my life in some way, even if it is only a small divergence from my previous course.

I’ve had many dreams where a faceless person and I share love: I just wonder if I’ll ever meet them or if I have already. Is it the same person or is it a composite character of many individuals over time? Every time I start to figure out who they are, I wake up.

Second class citizens

By | December 6, 2017

I’m tired of being a second class citizen.

When an institution can allow discrimination based on any attribute that an individual shares with a group, they are creating a class or group of “lesser” people.

I thought that we would have made progress by now. There is no place for religion inside the government (separation of church and the state); however, it seems that most of the arguments used against my people is based on religion.

Please show me a reason that doesn’t include religion or “social norms” to support your argument that I should not be able to provide for my partner.

If you want to keep religion as one of the only arguments against my rights, then you should also outlaw divorce. Why not go ahead and ban pork as well as shell fish while you’re at it?

I’m tired of people cherry picking through their scriptures. Either follow all of it or none of it. You can’t go around saying that you’re only 60% Christian. You either are or you’re not, so why do you go through scripture and only select things that you deem fit and relevant? If you say “it’s up to personal interpretation”, then you negate your argument.

Whatever happened to “Love thy neighbor as you would love yourself?” This is repeated in more than just one verse inside the Bible, but I don’t see how people are living it. I don’t think that it said anywhere “Love thy neighbor, unless they’re different than you.”

If everyone would follow this single verse out of the Bible, then we would have a world that has more love and light rather than just suffering and darkness.

 

There are no strangers here…

By | November 24, 2017

This is the first year that I’ve ever spent a holiday by myself.

In the past, I could go home to my family or spend it with friends. Well, I worked today, so I didn’t spend it completely alone, but at the same time, as soon as I came home, there I was. I was alone with my cat. This is the first year that I’ve spent Thanksgiving without any loved ones. Even in the past, such as when I lived in Boca Raton, I would fly back home for the holidays, including Thanksgiving. Last year, I had my (ex)partner to spend holidays with. I feel strange that I’ve only been home to my family once in the past two years and that was just for three days. I think that I may plan a trip down to visit sometime early next year.

I think that the next holiday will be better, or at least I’m hoping that it is. I’ll more than likely see about spending it with a friend or two. I really should have planned for today or have taken today off of work to go hangout with some friends. It just felt a little lonely whenever I came home to my Spartan apartment.

I love living by myself in that I don’t really have to answer to anybody (don’t have a landlord that I’m living with), etc… Also, I can run around nude if I wanted to. I don’t; however, it’s still an option if I ever was so inclined.

The entire point of my human existence is to make meaningful connections with others. In an effort to do this, I put myself out there to meet new people at a coffee shop and a couple of other places. As long as I get out of the house and talk to a random person, then I’m not really alone.

williambutleryeats4-2x

Important notes for those on “Dating Apps”

By | November 18, 2017

I really hate being ignored. 

I went ahead and labeled this “rant-one” in the permalink above because I have a feeling that I might make this into a series.

Let’s say that if someone came up to you in a cafe and tried to start a conversation, just a conversation, with no sexual overtones or anything else. How would you react? Would you turn around and walk away or ignore them?

If someone gave you a compliment, such as, “you have pretty eyes”, in person, does that automatically mean that they want to screw you? What if they’re just trying to brighten up your day?

If someone just needed a friend and was friendly to you out in public, what would you do?

Now on to my rant… 🙂

I may be in the minority, but I look at a dating/social/hookup application or website the same way as I would a cafe or somewhere else in public. Therefore, I try to reply to people, even if I’m not interested in anything other than friendship. I wouldn’t flat out ignore someone and not reply back in public, so why would I do it on an application/site?

Why in the hell would you say that you’re wanting friends if all you want to do is mess around? That’s why there’s the option to not be looking for friends…

To do this, you simply uncheck the looking for “Friendships / Friends” box while making sure that you’ve checked the “NSA / No strings attached / Right Now” boxes. You don’t need to have all of the boxes checked to make sure that your public image isn’t tainted. Trust me, you’re already on a hookup app/site.

If you’re genuinely looking for friends, start behaving like it.

None of the sites or applications require approval for changing the “looking for” sections — you can do this all by yourself.

/end rant.

I don’t need my friends to be “good looking” or otherwise “my type” in real life, so why in the hell would I need it online?

If you’ve ignored me online and you have “wanting friends” listed and I recognize you in public, I will more than likely start a conversation with you or try to… That way, if you walk off or ignore me, thus appearing like an asshole, maybe the embarrassment will teach you something. It’s a lot different when you’re held accountable by your peers, isn’t it?

I moved, driving, and other things.

By | November 14, 2017

I recently moved into a new apartment. It’s nice, but it’s in an area of Austin that I used to live in. While the interior of my apartment is great, I don’t necessarily feel 100% safe while walking around at night. Someone was “assaulted with a deadly weapon” less than 500-800 feet from my apartment and about 45 minutes before I was in the same exact place that it occurred.

I’m sticking it out for as long as I can so that I can attempt to save up some money before moving again. I figure that I’ll be here for the duration of my lease. It’s going to be next month when I’m finally done with a lot of the things that have been weighing me down. I think that as soon as I start driving again, I’ll feel better about things. Also, I can’t wait until I get a new bed. I’m currently sleeping on a futon that’s a twin size bed when it’s folded out.

I think that I’m going to go ahead and get my insurance squared away within the month so that I can go buy a junker by January.

Now on to a more personal issue…

I think that I’m just wired differently than other people. I’ve met a few people in Austin that seem to “get me”, but I only see them occasionally.

I need people to be direct and to the point with me. They may hurt my feelings for a little while if they want to reject my friendship or potentially romantic relationship, but I’m a big boy. I can handle it.

I’d rather be investing my energy toward bettering myself than chasing after anyone. So, with that into consideration, it would be best if I’m interested in you in any romantic sense (and trust me, you’ll know), that you reject me if you don’t foresee yourself returning any of those feelings. I’d rather us be platonic friends than nothing at all. It may take me a while to be able to have a platonic friendship, but trust me, I’ll be there eventually.

Whenever I moved to Austin in 2015, I didn’t know anyone here. My social circle has grown some, but I still feel lonely a lot of the time, unless I’m hanging out with people at the coffee shop. Every now and then, I can be surrounded by friends or acquaintances and still feel completely alone, so it’s difficult for me to form connections with people. However, if you can understand how I speak my mind and can get over the potential awkwardness of my brevity, then I think that we may be friends.

I’ll be a true friend to anyone who needs one.

Edited: I have written a “rules of engagement” for myself which has been published on this domain and occasionally updated. It is listed in the menu above.

A random Tuesday…

By | September 27, 2017

So, last night I was hanging out at Epoch coffee… Ran into one of the regulars and met two new people. During this time, we talked about everything and anything, very openly. I loved every minute of it. At about 1am, one of the guys said, “you want to go grab some tacos?” … Hell yea, I want to go get some tacos! We then proceeded to walk through the night, the three of us, to a taco shop that is open 24 hours. One of the guys played a ukulele so he could get some tacos. He was pretty damned good at it. When we were there, we invited another two people to eat with us… They then asked us how long we’ve known each other because we were “jiving” with each other so well… I met one of the guys that night and the other one sometime last month. They thought that we had been friends for a very long time and it feels that way… Maybe we were friends in a past life or something? I remember reading somewhere at how a few people are kindred spirits and they end up circling each other’s lives… I think that could be true about a lot of people in my life. It was a great experience.

One of the things that I’ve been toying with is just accepting the Universe and the world as it is… Just going with the flow and accepting what comes at me. One of the guys said something that resonated with me… “The neuroses that I may have, I no longer claim as mine… That’s like taking possession of it and it gives it power. Rather, I just accept it as an experience and then it dissipates on its own.”

Daily Prompt: Focused

By | September 26, 2017

This is going to be a short post… Because I can’t stay focused… Go figure…

I can’t stay focused on almost anything at the moment. My mind wanders around in what seems to be aimless and endless thought. Every time that I think that I can be focused on something, such as writing, I always end up losing my focus and my attention drifts away to something else… Even if it’s for a brief moment, I seem to get stuck on the new train of thought rather than going back to the original one…

I need to find different methods and mechanisms to apply to myself when my attention drifts elsewhere.

 

via Daily Prompt: Focused

克服

By | September 12, 2017

I decided to start this post with the Chinese text that I have tattooed on my arm. I had a crush on someone that was unrequited and I used the tattoo to “Overcome” the emotional barrier.

Now, I think that I should call upon the power in this tattoo to overcome some obstacles in my life. One of them is how I keep getting in the way of my own happiness. Why is it that I love the chaos that is created in my personal life?

So, to help me overcome this, I’m going to continue to do the following things:

  • Don’t start arguments, but don’t put up with those who do. In other words, be peaceful, but not a push over.
  • Don’t force anything from anyone or anything. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. However, sometimes the Universe needs you to meet halfway, so be sure to do that.
  • Meditate daily
  • Write more often
  • Concentrate on those who make you happy
  • Find other things to do that make you happy
  • Try to connect with other people, even if it’s awkward at first.
  • Don’t isolate

 

via Daily Prompt: Overcome

Can we be human in a digital age?

By | September 12, 2017

 

To have sympathy for another human is yet another expression of connection and of love in a way. I think that almost every situation that you’re currently going through, someone else has already gone through in some way or another… We all have broken hearts at some point. We all make mistakes. Sure some mistakes are larger than others, but in the end of it all, we’re human, so mistakes are inevitable. If you can’t have sympathy for anyone, then you don’t really care about them in any way.

To show compassion to people should be natural and not forced, why must we work to be compassionate or to have sympathy in some cases? The main problem is disconnectedness. We live in a society where we can obtain the world’s information from our phones, we can communicate with others across vast distances quickly and easily… However, it is causing problems in standard human interactions. For example, when is the last time you’ve gone to a newly moved in neighbor’s house to introduce yourself? When is the last time that you’ve gone on a date with someone without texting back and forth to set a time rather than just spontaneously saying, “hey, want to grab a coffee?”. We live in the digital age where we’re so disconnected from human interaction that I believe that we’re losing ourselves.

via Daily Prompt: Sympathy